The one area I am still working to resolve is my social-ness.  I’m excited about being involved in a few things that will help me meet new people and hopefully form new circles!  I realized that my old circle was my circle more by default than my choosing.  The ones I truly enjoy from it I still communicate with and I am so fold of them.  The others, I think I can let go of easily.  So, there is much excitement about the potential for new friends and acquaintances and whatever else have you.

Work is going awesome.  I’m so glad I took the risk!  I enjoy my co-workers; and I’m adjusting quickly to the environment. My fitness is going awesome too.  I’m enjoying the new CF gym, and getting to work out with my old bosses’ boss is pretty sweet.  I like him.  I’m immensely enjoying being on my own.  There are very few times that it feels lonely; more than that, it feels like freedom and calm.  It feels like no expectations!  And, the time I do spend with others or on the few dates I have gone on are a nice welcome change to my own time.  I feel balanced.  And it doesn’t really matter much but I finally have the financial freedom to not really think about money much.  If I want something, I buy it.  So, while August seemed like the longest month ever with so much change - it was an incredibly productive month in my personal growth and happiness.

I’ve taken the advice of a good friend, and have dedicated some time (weeks) to adjusting to my new life.  And, funny enough, it was really easy to do.  In fact, being on my own feels pretty great!  I’m enjoying my own company and not having to worry about anyone else.  It’s nice.

So much has changed in just two weeks.  But, I’ve learned so much.  I have not handled everything to the best of my ability.  But, I know better now.  And, I’ve become a better, stronger person for going through it.  I’m proud of how I’ve handled the past few days.  I’m able to see beyond the surface and what might seem petty to what really matters below.  I’m making progress step by step and really hopeful for a good long term outcome.

The one lesson I continue to learn, is that, when you experience something new, you usually don’t get it right the first time.  And, even in breaking up, I’m experiencing that as new.  And, I haven’t handled it very well or very pleasantly.  Yes, I feel I have been mistreated at times too - but it doesn’t really matter.  From today onward, I’m making a bigger effort to handle it as nicely as I can.  And, so far, it feels way better.  I still get twingy about certain things, but overall, I’m much less anxious.  And, the world knows I could use a little less anxious-ness.

I’m pretty sure I was punched in the throat tonight.  Ambushed.

You used me for everything you needed to say and then you ran away.

I hate being in conflict.  It drains me.  Seriously, we can’t handle this like adults?!  I know it was a lot to handle, but we have a common space and shit needs to get done.  At least be cordial.  And, I know I need to be too.  Fuck.

Today, I’m practicing forgiveness.  Especially for the things I can’t control and to others who have wronged me.  Even if I’m not 100% there, it still is important to say the words.  I forgive you.

Let the learning begin.  I experienced something yesterday that I’ve never experienced before.  And, it’s left me with mixed feelings.  I’m doing well actually - albeit some uncomfortable moments in the shared living space - things are looking up.

I feel absolutely blessed and comforted by E.  He’s going through some slightly rough patches which are almost parallel to mine but I think they help us relate to each other.  In a completely different realm, he’s patient and caring, and really, the only person I’ve ever met that I can say I don’t totally ‘get’.  He’s complicated.  He’s admitted to feeling the same way about me.  I don’t know what we are; but what we are is new and uncharted for me.  And, all that matters is that I feel comfortable and I feel enjoyment and I am feeling free to absolutely adore his company.

Today has felt splendid as it’s gone on.  The support that friends have shown has just blown me away.  It makes all the difference.  Even people I’m no longer close with have reached out.  And, while I’m not in anything heavy anymore, having someone that I know cares and who is helping me through this is great!  Things are looking up.  I’m grateful for this sunny day where my head and heart are feeling calm.