I generally hate Thanksgiving for all the things you’re ’supposed’ to do.  But, this year might be the last year my mom gets to have Thanksgiving at home, so I’ll do all the things I’m ’supposed’ to do and I’ll savor every moment.

Day two without scale.  I figured out why this is hard.  It’s about control, right?  I’ve felt so out of control with everything else in my life, that managing my body and my weight was one thing I could do.  And, now, I’m attempting to let go of that.  Well, not stop doing it, just stop doing it so critically.  *sigh* It’s so hard.

I’m free.  I’m listening to Lady Gaga’s “The Fame Monster” and not feeling guilty about it.  I’m not hiding it; in fact, I’m telling people.  I can listen to whatever I damn well please.  I’m done caring.  I like what I like, and if you don’t, fine.  Let’s just all be different.  And, embrace that instead of making anyone feel bad.

When something’s not working, you should make a change.  So, something’s not working.  My workouts and eating patterns and mindset, aren’t working.  I’m in a rut.  I’ve been in ruts before; and I’ve tried to make changes already but those didn’t work either.  It might be time for something more drastic - like putting away the scale for a month or two.

I don’t know how I got here, but it is possible to be too busy to do the things you like to do.  Somewhere in the mix of life, I even forgot what some of those things are!  Here and there, a trigger will go off and I’ll remember what things used to be like.  For example, while I was running on the treadmill on Sunday, I watched football.  I haven’t watched football for years.  For another example, today while at work, I listened to rap/hiphop.  Again, something I haven’t had time for or thought about or even remembered what it was like to like it.  True, many of these types of things that come up are from my prior life - but just because I’m different now, doesn’t mean I can’t like things I used to like.  It sounds like a no-brainer, but in the ‘group’ I’ve found myself surrounded with, I’m kind of an outsider.  I don’t know the things they all know; I don’t like the things they all like.. and sometimes, it makes me want to just hide in a hole.  Or rather, just be accepted for all the things I like.

I never got around to writing about it but it deserves a quick post now.  My halloween was awesome.  It was awesome in ways I can’t completely describe.  Suffice to say, I have a renewed spark in my relationship and I feel like I’m falling in love all over again.  This is exactly what we needed.  We needed something so badly; and it wasn’t really clear what that ’something’ was.  But, in retrospect, none of that matters.  What matters is where we are now and this feels pretty wonderful.